Navigating the Job Market

Looking for work? This will help you decode some of the fancy labels being used to make some jobs seem better than they are. Ahhh, the magic of language! These are actual posted titles of jobs and industries, along with what they really mean. Enjoy!

Job Listing Translations:

Conservation Expert = garbage man

Executive Assistant = secretary, personal servant

Sales Personnel = cashier

Leasing Consultant = property sales

Property Developer = construction worker

Environmental Services Aid = janitor

Campaign Fundraiser = beggar

Gaming Professional = card dealer

Pharmaceutical Associate = drug dealer

Financial Strategist = money mover/hoarder

Replenishment Manager = stock boy

Defense Contractor = war profiteer/monger

Customer Service = problem filter, hate sponge

Transportation Operator = bus driver

Product Representative = brand whore

File Coordinator = paper/desk jockey

Marketing Specialist = phone sales, cold-calling

Office Administrator = greeter, data entry

Fulfillment Team Member = box stuffer

Population Health/Wellness Director = insurance salesman
Landscape Technician = lawn mower

Sandwich Artist = food slave

Horizontal Refreshment Liaison = hooker
Talent Development Trainer = pimp

Ok, those last two weren't actually posted; I made them up for fun ;) But the rest are real, I assure you. Like many, I too am fruitlessly searching for a good job. Sure, they're still out there; but many of them are terrible wastes of our lives. This is being masked by such deceptive re-branding to make them seem more desirable than they actually are. Similarly, actual unemployment numbers are being manipulated to hide the truth. Depending on location, the rate is much higher than the “official” number, which creates confusion and ignorance. Some people are sadly stuck in the mentality of thinking that “jobs” are the answer to the woes of society. But it depends entirely on the job. Some can be very fulfilling, and others soul-crushing. Slavery is a job, which is really what many are still supporting, whether they know it or not.

Thanks to automation, there are simply far more people than there are jobs to do. That's the whole point of it, to do things better and more efficiently. However this ancient, rigid socio-economic system is preventing this from being a good thing. Some “leaders” promote jobs while simultaneously reducing them with technology; just like some are still selling oil knowing it's on the way out. A global situation is occurring which has been called a “Greater Depression”, where the population-to-job ratio is constantly becoming more disproportionate. This is only part of the story, as the same technology that replaces jobs is also increasing productivity, transportation, communication, energy, etc. So some people are instead experiencing a “Greater Enlightenment”. There are also many like me who are experiencing both at the same time.

Because people are still relying on a money-for-work paradigm, this is holding everyone back. It's like trying to run a modern computer using steam power, or using horses to get around. It can be done to an extent, but performance is severely limited. People are dealing with this situation in different ways. Some are trying to pointlessly increase jobs, others are trying to covertly decrease population. Some are implementing a universal basic income, others advocate a resource-based economy. Some are joining local communes, others are fleeing to foreign lands. Some drudge on not knowing what else to do, others are committing suicide as an escape. Currently, I'm trying to make light and educate others of the situation. If you can offer any help or opportunities, I'd appreciate it! Good luck to you.